#38 Park Hall, The New Saints

The New Saints 3 Connah's Quay Nomads 0
Sunday 30th October 2016, Welsh Premier League

And so we must bid a fond farewell to Ireland after a jam-packed, boozy two days. We were whisked back to Brum at an astonishing pace by our pilot, the Latin maniac Esteban and after scrapping with the spaghetti junction for a bit and getting some much needed sleep, we were ready to hit the road for a place closer to home, namely Oswestry in Shropshire for a taste of the Welsh Premier League.

The New Saints are a pretty eccentric entity with a shedload of curiosities attached to them. They are the only team to my knowledge that represent two places in different countries, the English town of Oswestry and the Welsh village of Llansantffraid-ym-Mechain. Oswestry lies a mere 5 miles from the Welsh border and shares many cultural ties their neighbours. The town's previous club Oswestry Town played in the Welsh league until it merged into Llansantffraid's local team, which were at the time known as Total Network Solutions because a telecommunications company of the same name based in Oswestry had arranged a £250,000 sponsorship deal with the club making them the first instance in the UK of a football team being named wholly after a sponsor. With me so far? Good.

The new millennium brought professionalism to the club who went full-time in 2003, changed their name to The New Saints in 2006 and moved from The Recreation Ground in Llansantffraid to Park Hall in Oswestry in 2007. Since the downfall of Barry Town, TNS have been the only professional club in the Welsh Premier League and have won the top flight 10 (ten) times. Despite this success they have the same problem as the rest of the Welsh league when it comes to attracting crowds, with an average attendance of 247 so far this season.

"How are a club with such a modest gate able to maintain professional status?" you may ask. Might have something to do with the fact that the large clubhouse at Park Hall is more of a leisure centre than a clubhouse. We entered the main building upon arrival and were greeted by a room full of young families enjoying the soft play area, bowling alley and cafe which is nestled between trophy cabinets, the club bar and newspaper collages of the team's European adventures. Swarms of young children hopped-up on sugar and arcade machines tear around tables of old-timers supping their pints during half time. It's very weird but undoubtedly a great earner for TNS. It's also probably the reason that they host their European matches in other locations such as Wrexham's Racecourse Ground or Rhyl's Belle Vue as it's hard to imagine Slovan Bratislava or Legia Warsaw ultras having a go in the ball pit.

Eventually someone took pity on us and pointed out the direction of the turnstiles. We entered the ground to the sound of a pop song paying tribute to Jeff Stelling's famous "they'll be dancing on the streets of Total Network Solutions tonight" quip that he made on Soccer Saturday whenever the Saints won a match. Park Hall boasts the third 3G pitch we've seen a match played on this trip and is a very modern, training-facility like ground with not a massive amount to write home about. At ground level there are two temporary stands, one a metal contraption behind the far goal and one a tent (see it's not just Rovers that have a tent) on the clubhouse side. The ground is also home to the most elaborate gantry I've ever seen.

The posh seats take the form of a handful of wooden tables and chairs arranged on the balcony of the leisure centre, this area also contains the press desk. The ground was strewn with practice goals of all shapes and sizes, which were tucked away wherever there was room. Including as I would find out when I went to look, down the back of the metal temporary stand. The ground is at least in a nice wooded area, so the pitch was surrounded by trees in beautiful autumnal colour, which added some much-needed character to the place.

As per for the Saints, this top of the league clash only tempted a modest crowd of 248 to North Shropshire but this did include an adorable gaggle of mini-ultras that spent the first half excitedly banging their drum and cheering for the home team. This was the only real noise, apart from a group of lads old enough to know better chanting "keeper's got a boner" as the opposition player was being treated by the team's female physio.

The game itself wasn't what you'd call a classic for the first 45 minutes. Both teams got into space fairly often but were hesitant to take anyone on. There was lots of passing back and very little tackling, "a bit like watching England" as Daz would opine in possibly the most offensive way one could talk about the champions of Wales. We wondered whether the combination of chilly afternoon and 3G pitch was causing the players to only commit to a shin-shredding tackle when there was absolutely no other option. Do to boredom I pursued Daz's programme and was surprised to see such luminaries as New Zealand and Scotland internationals Greg Draper and Steven Saunders turning out for the home team. Draper was such a big name that he warranted his own sponsorship, which this match was none other than Oswestry's own 'Crumbilicious Bakery', who clearly recognise a star of a rising league when they see one (arf).

I'd have to watch the second half alone as a shadowy figure known only as "The Rev" had invited Daz to be a commentator on TNS Radio for the afternoon. The encounter was streamed live to the club's Facebook and is posted here for posterity. My favourite bit was:

Rev: "and I see you've come in a TNS scarf!"
Daz: "uh, no. Welton Rovers."
Rev: "oh right... and how are they doing?"
Daz: "well when I saw them they got relegated."

The Saints turned the screw in the second half and went on to win the game 3-0. Wes Fletcher came off the bench, turned his marker and smashed it past the reach of the Nomad's keeper. The second goal came through Steve Saunders, assisted by the left-back Ryan Pryce. Finally Jon Routledge opened up his TNS account, putting the final product on a good counter attacking move from Ryan Brobbel.

Me having a hard time processing it all

The New Saints are without a doubt the wild card club of this trip. We really didn't know what to expect going in. I think it's fair to say that Park Hall is the better equipped of the three we've seen in terms of playing and hospitality facilities but they won't be to everyone's taste. I'd certainly rather rough it in the Cliftonville Social Club or the pub under the stand at Dundalk but considering those wanting to bring their families along, there's covered seats to spare at Park Hall and what better way to bribe the wee'uns to a freezing midweek Welsh Premier fixture than a go on the old 10-pin after? The club have obviously got a plan for growth going forward and good luck to them.

#37 Solitude, Cliftonville

Cliftonville 3 Glenavon 0

Saturday 29th October 2016, NIFL Premiership

We emerged bleary-eyed from the revelries of the previous evening and hopped on a train bound for Belfast. Our destination was the home of Ireland's oldest club Cliftonville and their creepy and enigmatically named stadium, Solitude.

In the politically charged sometimes sectarian world of Belfast football, Cliftonville are firmly on the republican left of the scale. Examples of this include their recent spat with unionist Glentoran fans over their decision to donate one pound of every ticket sold for the derby to the refugee crisis or their volatile 1984 friendly against Celtic which had to be called off after 79 minutes as fans clashed with RUC officers and loyalists outside the ground.

In their 137 year history the Reds have won two all-Ireland championships, three Northern Irish championships, eight Irish Cups and five Northern Ireland Football League Cups. They start today's match in 4th place, 2 points ahead of 6th placed Glenavon.

We arrived with minimal faff and plenty of time to spare at Solitude and decided to avail ourselves of the bar facilities and watch the tail end of Arsenal battering Sunderland. We spoke to a couple of friendly locals, who must have smelled groundhopper when we entered with our backpacks and started taking pictures of everything. The programme seller wasn't optimistic when Daz asked for a prediction as apparently the reds hadn't been scoring of late. However I've looked over their recent results and they've scored 12 in their last 5 games, losing only once. Obviously a hard lot to please.

Considering we were warned by various people about the dangerous nature of the area, including by Daz's boss who is a former Belfast resident, I found this to be one of the friendliest clubs I've visited so far. The only slightly unsettling thing was the massively armoured police vans that marauded the streets.

What immediately catches the eye when you enter Solitude is the absolute relic of a main stand that lines the side of the pitch. A massive hulk of red corrugated iron that looks like it could've been there as long as the club has. Large chunks of the side panelling were discoloured or missing and you could see long grass growing on its roof, it looks as if a stray ball hit with enough force could keel the whole thing over. Unfortunately the stewards weren't allowing people up there today although there were a few official looking people with cameras and microphones up there. It turns out the plan is to demolish the stand this year to make way for a new main stand. The top tier contains an array of seemingly randomly arranged red, white and green seats whilst underneath is a mix of seats and terrace.

We took our seats in the Cage End stand which I believe is the most recently built of the stands, replacing an ancient curved terrace that used to be in that part of the ground. It's a modern seated stand which is very steep despite not having that many rows, so we got a good view from two-thirds up. Next to this stand is a quite dilapidated old white house which used to contain the clubhouse and training facilities but is now, like the main stand, scheduled for demolition

Opposite the Cage End there is the away end which seats 880 and has a row of standing at the back, which most of the travelling Glenavon fans used. The side of the ground opposite the main stand has had temporary seating in the past for Champions League fixtures but now sits empty. Over in that direction you can see some pretty spectacular views of the surrounding hills which looked nice and eerie in the afternoon fog.

The game kicked off and the Reds hit the post early doors at 14 minutes, Glenavon do the same from a free kick on 36 but other than that it's a bit of a haphazard 45 minutes. A lot of sloppy passing, a fussy ref and a lino on the left wing who got almost every call wrong took the vigour out of the first half.

Early in the second half a Glenavon player crossed the ball back to his keeper from near the corner flag but failed to notice a Cliftonville player chasing it down. The keeper didn't quite control the ball and a goal looked certain, so certain that the PA man chose to start playing the goal celebration music, which was shut off abruptly as the keeper finally wrestled back control of the situation and booted it away. The comedy of errors was completed when this absolute lamp by the keeper was met by a Glenavon midfielder who decided the best way to control this wayward ball would be to attempt an awkward scissor kick which would ultimately lay him on his arse.

Glenavon, despite their mishaps, have a good spell five minutes into the second half and come close to opening the scoring twice but it is the home team that do so from a well-worked corner and a Jason McGuinness header in the 57th minute. This goal seems to spur on the Reds who double their lead two minutes later through a 25 yard Ruairi Harkin screamer that took a slight deflection.

Truthfully Glenavon had enough about them to not deserve the pounding they were now receiving but a fully revitalised Cliftonville were passing with the same confidence and intention that we saw from Dundalk last night. The awesomely named Davy McDaid should have made it three when he plowed an effort over from inside the box on the 70th minute but made up for it five minutes later by tapping in a blunder from skipper Kris Lindsay who chested the ball down to his opponent in front of goal.

Satisfied to have experienced a true piece of Irish football history and another good home win, we started on the long road back to the motherland (Stoke-on-Trent) ready for the second half of our epic quest.

#36 Oriel Park, Dundalk

Dundalk 4 Galway United 1
Friday 28th October 2016, League of Ireland Premier Division

Pack up your turnip lanterns and call me Eoin because the Partizan Bristle/Pint of Football Four Day Four Nation Groundhopping Extravaganza™ is upon us. Days were booked off work, logistics were fawned over and a plane was caught from Birmingham for the start of a glorious football road trip where Daz and I would be taking in matches in the Republic of Ireland, Northern Ireland, Wales (kind of) and good old England.

First on the list were current Irish champions and darlings of the Europa league, Dundalk. Daz's irrepressible fascination with overseas leagues was the genesis of this trip as he'd been following Dundalk's European exploits and decided we should get in on what was proving to be a historic run in the history of Irish football.

Dundalk qualified for the qualifying rounds of the Champions League and progressed well, overcoming Iceland's Fimleikafélag Hafnarfjarðar and Belarus' FC BATE Borisov before succumbing to Polish champions Legia Warsaw. Dropping to the Europa League group stage, the Lilywhites were able to hold AZ Alkmaar to a draw at AFAS Stadion as well as beat Maccabi Tel Aviv 1-0 at Shamrock Rovers' ground Tallaght Stadium. A week previous to today Dundalk had their first defeat in the group stage at Tallaght to Russian giants Zenit St. Petersburg in a hard-fought contest where they scored first but ended up losing 2-1.

As well as their European heroics, Dundalk also stormed the domestic league this season and had in fact already won the title the previous Sunday at home against Bohemians. If that wasn't enough, Dundalk also have an FAI Cup final coming up on the first Sunday of November at the national stadium against Cork City.

We had originally planned to go and watch a Europa fixture however a tip-off from another groundhopper about the underwhelming and temporary feel of Tallaght Stadium led us to forgo the glamour of European football and seek out a league game at the more characterful Oriel Park, with the added bonus of getting in on the end-of-season party.

After a long journey we arrived in the sleepy town of Dundalk. A special mention must go to our kindly B&B owner Larry who offered us a lift to the ground, without which we would have almost certainly missed kick-off. He also does a smashing white pudding and soda bread.

We picked up our tickets and squeezed our way into the ground which was packed to the rafters and buzzing with a carnival atmosphere. Half the crowd were stood on their seat or sat on the perimeter wall and the noise coming from the small shed opposite the main stand was lovely to hear. It was obvious that the locals were intent on partying through the 90 mins judging by the smell of weed coming from some of the stands or the bloke that wandered out of the clubhouse, glass pint in hand and went to chat a steward, who then had a sip himself. The very stuff of life. Even the 10 or so Galway fans that had made the final trip of the season were in fine voice, with their drum and flags loud and proud.

Oriel Park is another traditional ground that has opted to bring in a modern 3G pitch and in order to fulfil their European commitments there are a lot more seated areas than you might expect from such a small ground. As previously mentioned there is a small roofed portion of seats opposite the main stand with more uncovered seats to either side. This roofed portion is where the large majority of the noise was coming from and they did an amazing job of keeping it going all night, which I suppose is easy when you've won three league titles in a row. The main stand is a pretty harrowing looking pillared grey beast which seats 1,000. There are more uncovered ground level seats to the right and to the left is the away end which is half seats and half ancient terrace split in half diagonally. Both ends of the ground are empty save for an access road for the youth academy and a large grass verge. Due to the absolutely rammed nature of the place, this verge is where we ended up standing and it afforded us a great view to be fair. It's not a pretty ground for sure but it didn't matter tonight and we were caught up in the excitement immediately.

As expected from the league leaders, Dundalk inflicted absolute carnage during the first half and were 3-0 up by the 39th minute, playing fast-paced passing football with the ever present menace of Daryl Horgan and his driving runs and cuts into the Galway box. Ulsterman Dean Shiels netted the first, followed by an odd one from Paddy Barrett who lamped what looked like a cross into the box which the Galway keeper Conor Winn gathered but then fumbled into his own net. Dean Shiels netted his brace soon after, ably assisted by Robbie Benson in a nifty one-two followed by a chip over the committed Winn.

Out into the second half and the visitors regain some pride early on when a strong shot from Ryan Connolly is parried by Gabriel Sava for Connolly to easily slot home on the rebound. This didn't cause the singers in the shed to pause their song even for a second. As the match trundled towards it's conclusion and kids hopped over the walls ready to run onto the pitch there was a sense that the team wanted more. After a 10 or so minute period of sustained pressure it was Ciaran Kilduff who ran clear and poked in the final goal in injury time. The rejoicing was such that the ref couldn't be troubled to clear the pitch and complete the other two minutes of injury time.

After soaking it in for a while, Daz and I decided to beat the crowds and duck in for a pint. I'd say the real jewel in the crown of Oriel Park is the clubhouse which is basically a massive Irish pub underneath the stand. We had a lovely time listening to bonkers Irish folk-pop and passing around a bottle of questionable free fizz given out by the club. It was truly a privilege to share in a special day for Dundalk and Irish football in general. I'll definitely be keeping a look out for the Lilywhites for the rest of their European run and wish them the best of luck.